I Wish I Had Created Mythology

Clash of the Titans (2010)
Starring: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Jason Flemyng, Gemma Arterton, Alexa Davalos
Rating: 5.0 (out of 10)

What's really strange to me is that despite serious plot similarities, the 2010 edition of Clash of the Titans doesn't begin to resemble the 1981 version. The 1981 version featured some interesting and campy special effects and animation, a tin can owl, and some shaky acting that almost lent to the movie's feel. As for the 2010 version, we get CGI monsters oozing from every direction, decent-enough acting, and an ending that feels rushed. So yeah, the events are pretty much the same, but the manners in which they are depicted are worlds apart.

Just like the original film, Clash of the Titans tells the story of Perseus, a half-man, half-god fellow who has to find a way to stop the gods of Olympus from unleashing a beast upon the town or Argus. Perseus is played by Sam Worthington (Avatar, Terminator Salvation), who isn't really given much to work with in terms of dialogue or character development. If Perseus is to save the day, he and his merry band of monster killers must get through a slew of challenges while avoiding the wrath of the gods. Greek mythology is pretty badass, so this should be interesting, right?

Nope.

In my mind, the original Clash of the Titans worked well because it gave time to the correct elements of the story, and the jittery, stop-and-start effects worked because the story itself is one that requires such enormous suspension of disbelief. The 2010 Titans reboot simply beats viewers over the head with action, only nodding at many conventions of the original. And as for pacing, the new Titans contains a boring and unnecessary "Perseus coming of age" intro before getting into the real story. Plus, there's the scorpion fight scene that lasts roughly 500 times longer than the ultimate battle against the legendary Kraken. Oh, and if characters matter much to you, don't bother seeing this movie, because no one in it is given time to turn into more than a two-dimensional cardboard cutout of a character.

Speaking of dimensions, I saw this thing in 3D. I should tell you that I've only seen two 3D movies, and the other one was Avatar. Seeing as how you're now privy to this information, you ought to know without me telling you that I hated the 3D presentation of Clash of the Titans. Virtually nothing in the movie really took advantage of the 3D format, making me think that the movie was rushed into a 3D version to cash in on the reputation Avatar carved.

On a side note, we didn't even get to see the real previews for Clash of the Titans, as Campbell 16 Cinema in Springfield, Missouri decided they were going to show us the kid-bait trailers that normally air before How To Train Your Dragon. Oh, and if that's not enough, you should know that we actually had to watch a couple of minutes of the Dragon movie before the issue was corrected. And we didn't get to watch the credits to the movie we paid for. So yeah, fuck Campbell 16.

So in closing, Clash of the Titans is a merely average-ish action romp, and it's only that because of the strength of the source material and the decent cast. If you do decide to see Titans, just do it sans 3D or you'll leave the theater with nothing but a headache and unanswerable questions.